


My love, my love (She keeps me warm)

by aryablakes



Series: Darling don't be afraid (I have loved u) [4]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-06-27 16:03:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19794274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aryablakes/pseuds/aryablakes
Summary: Putting her head in her hands, “I would do anything for you, if that means dating these people, then so be it I guess.” She says, voice muffled, but still clearly audible, words flowing without any real thought.





	1. Chapter 1

“He’s just so cute Lex!” Clarke exclaims, flopping back down onto her bed.

Lexa gives her a smile, hoping it didn’t look at forced at it was. “A-and like, god even his girlfriend is cute! I just wish, I could be there with him you know?”

“If you wanna be with them ask them both out, I mean. I know they went out with John Murphy for a little while. Chances are they’re poly. ” Lexa comments off handedly.

“Oh my god Lex! You’re a genius!” Clarke stands up, and starts rounding up her school stuff, getting ready for class. “Yes! I’ll just ask them both out! Thank you!” She runs by and gives Lexa a kiss on the forehead before running out the door, a newfound pep in her step.

‘Goddamnit. “ Lexa whispers under her breath, dropping her head into her hands.  
————————————————————————-  
"So, how’s the dating scheme been going Clarke?” Monty asks, while sitting down with them for a very late lunch, or early dinner, whichever you prefer, it was around 4 pm in winter, the sun was already starting to get dimmer

“It’s not a scheme!” Clarke defends herself. “ And it’s going just fine, thank you very much. It’s just, we have a slight problem. ”

“What’s up?” Jasper asks, mouth full of pizza, causes Clarke to fake gag at him. Jasper just flips her off in the meantime .

“He-well no they, think that,” She turns to Lexa “ You and I, are dating, and so, they won’t agree unless you’re there with us. Which I planned on talking to you about, ” She turns back to Jasper and Monty “Later.” She says, very pointedly. To which the two of them just shrug.

“Oh.”  
————————————————————————-  
“Listen, Lexa.” Clarke says, closing the door, the first words either of them had spoken since they started going back to their dorm. “I know that you, aren’t the most comfortable with dating, and I wasn’t even gonna ask u! Cause I know how much this kinda stuff bothers you, but now we’re here, and I don’t really have a choice now.”  
Lexa turns away from Clarke, closing the blinds, not letting the dark in, and turning all the lights on, trying to avoid this conversation as much as possible.

Clarke huffs to herself before walking up to her, “Lexa, look at me, please.” She says, voice breaking at the end, she never had to beg Lexa to look at her, in all their, 8 years of friendship, never once.

Lexa turns to look at her, “Look, Clarke,” She says, walking around their room, falling onto her bed, “I know you think you understand every little thing about me, but you don’t, and if you want to go out with these people, but I have to be there, you should have just told me, not made Monty and Jasper the reason I know.”

Putting her head in her hands, “I would do anything for you, if that means dating these people, then, so be it I guess.” She says, voice muffled, but still clearly audible, words flowing without any real thought.

“Really? Y-you would?”

Lexa looks up to her, and nods “Of course I would. You’re my best friend, Clarke.”

Clarke looks at her, smile blinding, and gives her the biggest hug she can, “So.” Lexa starts, “You gonna text them, tell them we’re all on, for a date I mean?”

“Tomorrow.”

“I thought you wanted this to happen as soon as it could, though.” Lexa says, confusion clear.

“I do, but tonight I just wanna hang out with my best friend.” Clarke says, tackling Lexa, pushing them down on her bed, where they would lay for the rest of the night, watching movies before passing out.

Lexa stares at the sleeping woman next to her, a smile finding its way onto her face, she kisses her forehead, before joining her and falling asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Clarke wakes, feeling warm and comfortable, she didn’t even open her eyes for a few moments after waking up, she didn’t remember where she fell asleep, but she knew she was safe.

Moments later she opens her eyes, seeing Lexa next to her, a warm feeling breaks out in her chest, a smile grows on her face as she stares loving at the girl in front of her.

The words “I’d do anything for you, Clarke.” echoes in her mind, with a clear mind and a happy feeling still blooming in her chest she picks up her phone, shooting a quick message to Raven.  
‘Hey! So I can’t really go through with what we talked about, sorry. Thanks for the opportunity tho!’

She drops her phone back onto the nightstand before kissing the girl next to her on the cheek and falling back asleep.

——————————————————–

Clarke woke up hours later with a start, jumping up, she looks around, Lexa no longer with her, she pats around the bed, feeling fir proof that she was there.

Pillow still war in her absence, Clarke knew Lexa hadn’t been gone for long, weary thoughts filled her mind, wondering if the girl she knew as her best friend had left her, after their problems last night.

Suddenly, the bathroom door quietly opens, Lexas head popping out, trying not to wake the girl still in her bed.

She turns around to see Clarke sitting up in her bed, hair all over the place, hands pressed into her eyes. She has to force herself not to choke by how cute it is.

“Oh, did I wake you?”

“No. I was actually just about to look for you.”

Lexa finds herself shocked, “Really?”

Clarke takes her hands off her eyes, looking Lexa directly into her eyes, “Yea, when we went to bed last night you were right here. I was afraid I did something wrong, and you left me.”

Lexa stares at her for a moment, “Clarke,” She stops herself, voice cracking, before trying again. “Clarke. I would never leave you.”

Clarke looks back up at her, eyes full of hope, “Really?”

Lexa smiles at her, walking back over to her bed, “Of course, I love you, Clarke.”

She sits down next to Clarke, sitting her head on her shoulder.

“I love you too, Lex.” Clarke smiles for the first time that morning, hugging Lexa with all her might, “I’m so glad your my best friend!” Clarke exclaims.

Lexa stares at her, smile not fading, she wanted to be more, but this made Clarke happy, and for that she could never be less happy.

Clarke starts to get off the bed, checking her phone, “Oh wow, we slept in huh,” Clarke laughs to herself “Come on, Lex. Let’s get brunch.”

Clarke stares at her phone for a moment, seeing a text from Raven, before swiping it away, wanting to spend what was left of the morning with just her best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to leave a comment if u want to!!
> 
> u can check out my tumblr [here!](http://aryablakes.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke smiles to Lexa as they walk into the dorm room, seamlessly continuing they’re conversation from outside, “No! Lex, I’m telling you,” Clarke pauses to laugh, “That girl was checking you out.”

Lexa smiles at her, laughing to herself, it significantly quieter than Clarke’s. “Well, I mean, I guess, but it doesn’t matter, I’m not really into the idea of relationships right now.”

Clarke’s laugh stalls, her smile still large, “What? Why not? Come on, Lex’ Clarke smiles wider, bouncing up to her, "She was hot, Lex! You should give it a shot!” Clarke encourages her.

Lexa laughs, “I’m just not really into it right now, Clarke.”

Clarke walks over to Lexa, and holds her hand in her own, “Thanks tho.” Lexa drops Clarke’s hand, “Listen, I think I’m gonna go to bed. Goodnight.”

Clarke stares over at her friend, the bright peppy mood from earlier completely gone when they started talking about girls. Clarke sits there, wondering what happened.

———————————————————–

The next day, at a little, quaint diner, sitting across the table from an eager to meet Raven Reyes, is Clarke.

“So, what are you thinking about for food, Clarke?” Raven asks, mostly just talking to talk, “ I’m thinking bacon ranch and cheese fries. ”

“Why do you think Lexa always stops the conversation when we talk about girls?” Clarke asks, not. meaning to voice her concerns aloud, but doing so nonetheless.

Raven chuckles, “Maybe it's because she doesn’t wanna think about her girlfriend with anyone else?”

Clarke signs, shoving her head into her hands, “But we’re not dating, Raven.” She almost yells, exasperated .

“What’re you talking about? You guys are so dating.”

“No, we’re not.”

“ But you, ” Raven stops midway, voice trailing off, realization, “Oh.”

“ ‘Oh’ What? ”

Raven smiles, happy to know she's privy to information that she didn’t know, “Clarke,” Raven stops herself, grabbing Clarkes hands from across the table, “ Lexa likes you. ”

Clarke grips Ravens hands in her own, “Raven,” Ckarke stops, taking a pause to mirror Ravens dramatic tone, “I know, She's my best friend.”

The shine in Ravens eyes falls, understanding that she didn’t know, “No, Clarke, she, she wants to date you Clarke.”

Clarke’s eyes widen, surprise hitting her, “I, no she doesn’t. I mean- We’re best friends but she, she doesn’t like me like that Raven.”

“Why do you think she didn't wanna date me and Bell? Its cause she only likes you, Clarke.”

“ No, I was the one who said no to the arrangement. It’s me who said no, Raven. ”

“And why did you do that?”

Clarke’s eyes dart around the room, hands dropping Ravens quickly. “Wh- because it made her uncomfortable! ” Clarke exclaims.

“And you care so much,” Raven stops, looking her in the eye again, “ Because you like her. ”  
Clarke looks her in the eyes, look in her eyes determined, “No. I care so.much because she’s my best friend, and has been since 7th grade. That's why I care so much, Raven.”

Clarke stands up, bag in her hand turning to Raven and stating, “Look, I’ll talk to you later, okay.” Before walking out the diner door.

———————————————————–

“Hey Clarke.”

“Hi Monty.” Clarke says, slightly out of breath, she’d been out for hours, alternating between walking, running, even jogging, this was the first time she’d sat down in about an hour, so naturally it’d be for coffee.

After placing their orders Monty looks to Clarke, “So, Clarke. What’re we doing here?”  
Clarke smiles at him and his pleasant way of speaking, “Look, I know you have plans with Jasper later tonight, so I’m gonna try and make this as short as possible. How did you know you were in love with Jasper?”

Monty looks slightly taken aback but her question, but smiles at her nonetheless, “Well, I guess, in a way, I’ve sort of all ways known. I mean, he’s been my best friend since kindergarten, and we grew up together, he was my first kiss, I kissed him before I kissed Miller.”  
Monty says, a small smoke climbing his face from the memories,

“And then, we drank out first sips of alcohol together, got high for the first time together. He was my first hug, not from family, of course, he was my first friend, and my first love, he has always been it for me I think.”

Clarke didn’t even notice the smile growing on her face because of what he was saying til he was done, and she could feel her face starting to hurt, but couldn’t stop smiling for her friend, so glad that he found the one for him.

Monty’s smile was undoubtedly larger than hers, a bright shining smile, one she hadn’t seen in a little while, too preoccupied with other things. He seemed lost in thought for a moment.

Monty’s eyes lose the glassy effect they seemed to have for a moment, and her turns to Clarke, “Why?”

She sits there, confusion clear on her face.

“Why did you wanna know about me and Jasper?” Monty clarifies.

“Oh,” Clarkes smile starts to fade, not sure if she wants to out herself like this, “W-, I just,” She signs heavily to herself, “Okay, I’m gonna tell you something, and I want you to promise me you won’t tell anyone else.”

Monty crossed his heart, not really thinking too much about it.

“Okay so I was getting lunch with Ra-”

“Here’s your coffees.” The barista interrupts, Clarke quickly adverts her eyes, not daring to make eye contact with the waitress, while Monty smiles and thanks her quickly.

“Clarke,” Monty starts voice clearly concerned, “You’ve never had this much trouble telling me anything before. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Clarke smiles at him, glad to have a friend with such a caring nature, “Of course I am, thank you Monty.” He smiles at her in response.

“Okay,”

———————————————————–

“Wow that’s a lot of information.” Monty jokes as she finishes telling him everything.

“Monty.”

“Kidding.” He raises his hands to show he wasn’t trying to be a jerk.

“Listen, I know what you need is a non-Lexa friend, right now, but to be honest, I agree with Raven.” Monty says, a small grimace on his face from being the one to say this.

Clarkes face falls, “Monty,” She pauses taking his hands into hers, “please, tell me your kidding.”

Monty makes a face, “I’m sorry Clarke, I wish I was. You two are just so amazing together, I understand where Raven is coming from, but if you don’t like her l-”

“Of course I like her, Monty. She’s my best friend.”

“-ike that.” Monty finishes his sentence.

“Oh.”

“Look, Clarke, why don’t you sleep on it, see how you feel tomorrow.”

‘Sleep on it.’ Clarke echoes to herself, “You know, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Thanks, Monty.”

“Any time, Clarke.” Monty responds, standing and hugging her, “Now if you’ll excuse me, as you said earlier, I have plans.”

Clarke smiles as she watches him walk away, feeling a lot lighter than she did when the day started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to leave a comment if u want to!!
> 
> u can check out my tumblr [here!](http://aryablakes.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

_Clarke smiles, walking down the road, a light layer of snow still there, but the rest is gone, spring is finally coming._

_Bellamy smiles back at her from the other side of the road, walking slightly closer to her, grasping her small hand in his._

_“You know, Clarke, when you told me how you felt, I thought you were playing some kind of sick prank on me.”_

_Clarkes smile fades, she looks taken aback, “Bell, baby, no. I would never.”_

_“I know you wouldn’t, you love me.”_

_His smile widens, and he leans in to her, pressing his lips to hers, moving all the cold out of her body, replacing it with an indescribable warmth._

_She pulls back, a soft smile playing on her face, her eyes stay closed for a moment, wanting to take in as much of this moment as possible. A small hand closes her hand in it, and her eyes snap open._

_“Lexa? W-what, when did you get here?”_

_Lexa’s bright smiling face falls, “I’ve been here the whole time, baby. Don’t you remember?”_

_Clarke stands there unmoving for a minute, before her face breaks into another smile, “Oh yeah, how could I forget.”_

_She leans over to kiss the woman she loves again, lips barely pressed together but heat- ___

__

__Clarke wakes up with a start. Heart beating out of control, body drenched in sweat._ _

__Hand to her chest, the other pushing her hair out of her face, she looks around._ _

__Complete darkness, Clarke groans aloud, it was night time, couldn’t she sleep in peace._ _

__After a quick moment scrolling her phone she decides a bathroom break before she tries to sleep again would be smart. Pushing herself out of bed, trying her best to be quiet, she opens and closes the door as fast as possible. Walking out of her dorm room._ _

__She walks down the barely lit hallway, hoping sometime out of the dorm would help her clear her head._ _

__She quickly gets to the bathroom, taking a quick look to see if anyone else was in there, before she locks the door and leans against it, slamming her palm into her forehead._ _

__“Why!” She yells exasperated, “Why, couldn’t I like Raven and Bell, or God even Murphy,” Her frustration draining her, “Why, did it have to be her.” The heat behind her words gone by the end._ _

__Sliding down to the bottom of the door, head in her hands, knees to her chest, she lays, she didn’t know how long for, just that when she was done, she was more tired than she was when she went to bed that night._ _

__Quickly going to the bathroom and making the short walk back to her dorm, Clarke locks the door behind her and flops onto her bed, her thoughts so loud she forgot that her roommate was sleeping._ _

__Eyes closing she immediately falls asleep._ _

__In the bed across the room from hers her roommates eyes open, woken up from the door and the bed sounds, Lexa looks next to her, finding Clarke fast asleep on her bed, she walks over and lays down next to her, and falls right back asleep._ _

__\------------------------------------------------------_ _

__Waking up, Clarke feels warm and comfortable, she lays there for a moment just sitting, a stark contrast to the night before. She snuggles up to the warmth next to her before her eyes snap open._ _

__Lexa sat next to her, still asleep, sounds coming out of her mouth, she was snoring lightly, a sign of deep sleep from her._ _

__Clarke puts a hand to her chest, willing her heartbeat to slow down, ‘It’s okay, she's just your best friend.’ She whispers to herself._ _

__After she gets dressed for the morning she throws one last look at her girlfriend, before walking out of the house, to get coffee and donuts._ _

__\---------------------------------------------------_ _

__Lexa feels around the bed, eyes still closed, the place next to her warm but empty. She opens her eyes to see her best friend no longer there. She picks up her phone and shoots the woman that never seems to leave her mind a text._ _

__‘Hey where’d u go lol’_ _

__Clarke responds much quicker than she expected ‘Out. Getting donuts'_ _

__Lexa smiles to herself, laying back down in bed, wishing to herself that every morning could be like this one._ _

__Laying back down, scrolling absentmindedly through twitter, she stops scrolling when she sees a tweet from Bellamy, nothing serious or about her or Clarke, just him, but she felt this burning feeling of jealousy, and then remembered Clarke never told her how talking to Raven went, she’d have to ask when she got back._ _

__Not too long after that the dorms door knob jiggles and in walks Clarke, a small cup holder full of coffee and a bag of donuts, Lexa’s favorite breakfast food._ _

__“Hey.” Clarke says, voice still soft._ _

__Lexa smiles at her and waves, sitting up in bed, the blanket that was laying on her falling to around her waist._ _

__Clarke feels her heart start to melt, wishing silently for it to stop, and for her feelings for the other woman to go back to how they used to be._ _

__“How was the shop?”_ _

__“Oh, it was okay.”_ _

__Lexa turns her head, Clarke couldn’t help but think she looked like an adorable little puppy. “Only okay?”_ _

__Clarke smiles at her, toeing her shoes off and sitting back down on the bed with Lexa, “I just missed you is all.”_ _

__Lexa feels her heart turn to mush, a small ‘Oh’ coming out of her mouth, “I missed you too, Clarke.”_ _

__Clarke smiles at her, grabbing the donuts out of the bag, handing Lexa hers._ _

__“So,” Lexa starts, eating a bite of donut and taking a quick sip of her coffee before continuing, “what ever happened with that date, with Raven and Bellamy?”_ _

__Clarke stops drinking her drink, sitting there for a moment, trying to think of something else to say, “I just, wasn’t feeling it anymore.”_ _

__Lexa furrors her eyebrows, “You, weren’t feeling it? But you seemed to like him so much, Clarke?” She questions._ _

__Clarke sits there, playing with her hands, wishing for a distraction, “I just- it didn’t feel right anymore, Lex.”_ _

__“But why? You like him, and you thought she was really cool so, why?”_ _

__“Liked.” Clarke corrects her._ _

__“Liked.” Lexa agrees._ _

__They sit in silence for a moment, sipping coffee and eating donuts, before Lexa breaks the silence._ _

__“But, what made it change, Clarke?” Lexa asks, clearly confused._ _

__Clarke stares down at her hands, wishing the floor would open and eat her alive, “W-Lex, it,” Clarke takes a deep breath, ‘now or never’ she thought to herself, “it’s because I-I like someone else.”_ _

__Lexa’s face falls, and Clarke feels herself start to wonder if it always did that when she talked about other people or if she was reading too much into things now._ _

__“Oh. Who?”_ _

__Clarke gives her a small, broken smile, wishing the best, “Well, Lex, actually, uh, it’s,” She takes a deep breath, “Lexa, it’s you.”_ _

__Lexa’s eyes go wide for a moment, face going red, mouth falling open, gears clearly turning in her head, before she starts to laugh._ _

__“W-what’s funny?” Clarke asks, very concerned now._ _

__“You are, Clarke.” She pauses, trying to even her breathing out again, “I mean, come on, you’re kidding, right?” She says, sounding oddly hopeful._ _

__Clarke sighs, “No, Lex, I’m not.” She carefully picks up Lexa’s hands in hers, “Listen, I’m sure this must be hard to hear, but I like you, like, so much, and It’s okay if you don’t like me b-”_ _

__“Of course I like you back,” Lexa insists, “who wouldn’t? You’re smart, funny, caring, kind, fuck Clarke I mean, I’ve liked you since I was like, 12.” Lexa says with a small laugh_ _

__Clarke sits there throughout her small speech, “I-, you-you’ve liked me for that long?”_ _

__“Yeah, I have.”_ _

__“W-why didn’t you tell me?”_ _

__“Really, Clarke?” Lexa says over a small laugh, “you have a new crush every week, and I’m not saying that's a bad thing, I think it’s cute. I’m just saying, there was always some new kind of competition.”_ _

__Clarkes face falls, all the hope and the happiness that followed now replaced by unbelievable guilt towards her best friend. “Lex,” Clarke starts, voice breaking._ _

__“Clarke, no,” Lexa cuts her off before she could even began, “it was never a problem, I was happy for you, for every relationship you had and I was sad for you every time you broke up with them. I want you to be happy, it doesn’t matter to me if you’re with me or not, I just want you to be happy.”_ _

__Clarke feels hot tears start to fall down her face, “Lexa, I- you always made me happy, and I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner that I feel this way about you, we’ve missed so much.” Clarke says, sad smile appearing on her face, “We have so much missed time.”_ _

__“No missed time,” Lexa says, “we’re perfect for each other right now, we just gotta make the most of it now.”_ _

__Clarke and Lexa smile at each other, Lexa wiping the tears off of Clarkes face, before leaning forward slowly, making sure she truly wanted this._ _

__Clarke finished leaning in before Lexa could, pressing their lips together._ _

__It was everything either of them had ever wanted, it wasn’t fireworks, cause that just wasn’t realistic but it was a spark, it was heat, and it was comfort, all wrapped into one seemingly small thing._ _

__Lexa pulled back first, only far enough so that she could speak, foreheads still pressed together, “Are you sure this is what you want, Clarke? Cause I’d tota-”_ _

__Clarke puts her lips back on hers in an instant, wanting more than anything to feel that comfort again, the kind of comfort that could only be had when she was right here, where she felt she needed to be, kissing her best friend, the best woman she had ever met._ _

__They had some things to talk about, but in that moment, this was all they needed._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and this marks the end of this small part of the series!! i hope u've enjoyed it!! this is the last chapter of this work, but fear not, this series will have more parts, in the somewhat near future. thank u so much to everyone who read this!!! i really appreciate it!
> 
> feel free to leave a comment if u want to!!
> 
> u can check out my tumblr [here!](http://aryablakes.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> title is she keeps me warm by mary lambert!
> 
> this takes place before all the other works in this series!
> 
> feel free to leave a comment if u want to!!
> 
> u can check out my tumblr [here!](http://aryablakes.tumblr.com/)


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